My Life, My Death, My Billboard

June 28th, 2010by MiltonRandKalman

My_Life_after

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

June 27, 2010
San Francisco

The Billboard Liberation Front (BLF) is honored to announce a new marketing partnership with Philip Morris (PM) that finally brings together the rugged sense of American independence with your most important choice as a consumer: your death. The message of “My Life. My Death. My Choice.” informs and empowers the consumer to choose, as their god given right, how they want to die. Philip Morris brings this message to the consumer to remind them that some rights are inalienable in life as they are in death.

“We’ve always said that the only two things in life that are unavoidable are death and taxes,” commented Michael E. Szymanczyk, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer, Philip Morris. “This campaign drives home that message where, if you are gonna die, might as well do it on your terms. Just like our Marlboro Men did.” According to Patrick B. Smelt, Chief of Marketing, “This bold message of independence and demanding life and death on your terms fits with the current zeitgeist of anti-establishmentarianism and post-post-modern rage at the repressive state demanding a healthier you and your environment.”

The BLF was honored to accept this exciting challenge. “We have no comment on President Obama’s health care reform, but many consumer of Philip Morris’s products do. We felt that this campaign picks up on a widespread rage that some nameless, faceless bureaucrat might give them cheaper health care, preventative treatment, and maybe deny them the sweet release we are all seeking,” said Rico T. Spoons, BLF Director of Offense as he idly drew a razorblade across his wrists. “This oppressive political climate and fascist approach towards health raises the comforting question of ‘how will you end it all?’ I like to think that we are just giving some poor folks a reminder that Philip Morris will always be there to help kill you.”

All former Marlboro Men, Wayne McLaren, David McLean and Dick Hammer, were unavailable for comment due to their rugged, manly choice of death by lung cancer.

The improvement can be viewed on Howard at Van Ness.

My_Life_before

McDonald’s: I’m Sick of It

June 6th, 2010by MiltonRandKalman

IMG_2658

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

June 6, 2010
San Francisco

The Billboard Liberation Front (BLF) and the McDonald’s Corporation (MCD) have launched a new advertising improvement campaign. The initiative features a bold new slogan, “I’m Sick of It,” and is designed to counter the brand-negatives that have gnawed at MCD since the release of irresponsible attack-films like “Supersize Me” and “Food, Inc.” By embracing the traditional American values of conformity, convenience, and mediocrity, it is intended to reverse the damage done by the nay-saying health-Nazis and cow-hugging America-haters who have taken a bite out of MCD’s market share and hounded its beloved corporate mascot Ronald McDonald into exile.

“In an uncertain world, customers want comfort and sameness in their eating habits,” the spokesclown observed, speaking from the cramped office he shares with fellow expatriate Joe Camel. “It’s not just about portion size, though that’s still important. In these troubled times it’s more about familiarity, about conformity, and most of all about not taking any risks. MCD has responded to that shift in consumer attitudes, and has reengineered its product line to reflect a culinary landscape that prides itself on mediocrity.” Mr. Camel, speaking through a throat-tube, added: “McDonald’s is the cardiologist of America’s destiny.”

To accomplish this historic turnaround, McDonald’s turned to the re-branding experts at BLF, America’s premier Advertising Improvement Agency. “It’s time for McDonald’s to retake the cultural High Ground,” explained BLF Recreative Director ______ deCoverly. “They’ve been on the defensive for years, using generic ‘lifestyle’ ads that deny their core values. Now they’re fighting back, and reclaiming their cultural legacy.”

Unashamed to take a bold stance on America’s milquetoast taste, McDonald’s and the Billboard Liberation Front proudly unveil their new campaign: “I’m Sick of It.” The initial improvement can be seen at the corner of California and Hyde in San Francisco.